0802B A HUNDRED STUPID WAYS TO DIE IN THE BIBLE (SONG OF THE WEEK)

0802B A HUNDRED STUPID WAYS TO DIE IN THE BIBLE (SONG OF THE WEEK)

(On a whim a few years ago, it struck me that perhaps a satirical song pointing out various ways that people died in the Bible. So it is set as if a classical German art song. Enjoy, and learn well!)

"The apostle Peter says that Scriptures are written for our strengthening, encouragement and comfort. But Paul also reminds us that they can also serve as a warning. This song is dedicated to the following Scriptures that fit into the latter category.

"Oh, there must be a hundred stupid ways to die in the Bible

Things that you should never even try in the Bible

So learn your lessons well and find out why it's in the Bible

To keep these things from happening to you:

Don't yell, "Baldy, baldy, baldy" to a prophet [Elijah]

Especially if he's on his way to prayer

You and the boys just play with your toys

imagine that he's hairy

unless you and your friend would like to be mauled by some bear-ies.

 

Oh, there must be a hundred stupid ways to die in the Bible

Things that you should never even try in the Bible

So learn your lessons well and find out why it's in the Bible

To keep these things from happening to you:

Pay attention if your neighbor is a builder

especially if he's building him a boat [Noah]

If you're a Giant of a man just be careful where you stand

Don't blaspheme before a boy with five smooth stones [Goliath]

 

Oh, there must be a hundred stupid ways to die in the Bible

Things that you should never even try in the Bible

So learn your lessons well and find out why it's in the Bible

To keep these things from happening to you:

If you're ever leaving Sodom in a hurry don't you worry

that it's raining fire and brimstone all around--just don't turn round! [Lot's wife]

Don't eat food from talking snakes [Eve]

Watch for women holding stakes [Jael]

Don't you follow hogs with demons or you'll drown [Gadarene demoniac]

And If you ever sell some land don't try to make yourself look grand 

By conspiring to be lying you'll be lying under ground [Ananias and Sapphire]

If you have long flowing hair in the forest ride with care

You can keep your head by keeping your head down [Absalom]

 

Oh, there must be a hundred stupid ways to die in the Bible

Things that you should never even try in the Bible

So learn your lessons well and find out why it's in the Bible

And you won't have a millstone tied around your neck [Jesus' illustration]

your thumbs cut off or stoned to death [Adoni Bezek, Achin]

Cut up in pieces eaten by dogs [prostitute, Jezebel]

Shot by an arrow overrun with frogs [Saul, Pharaoh]

Do what's right in all you do to keep these things from happening to you!