0205 WHEN IS IT MY TURN?

WHEN IS IT MY TURN?

Today we are reading chapter 8 of Mark, and most of the wording in this chapter is also found in Matthew. There is one passage in here that causes me to remember a significant life lesson, and I want to share that with you today. In verses 34-38, Mark writes,

And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.”

May I use this platform to tell you a very personal secret? 

First, a bit of background. I am a very self-absorbed person. From the time I was an early adolescent, I imagined myself to be the central character of my own personal movie. I remember consciously wondering in sixth grade if everyone else was really real, the way I was. Were they all just bit players in my movie? What did they do when they weren’t around me? So when I first saw the movie, “The Truman Show,” it was strikingly familiar to me. That’s my background story. 

Now fast-forward this narcissist to my adult self with adult responsibilities.

As a minister, a father, a husband and a friend, I am constantly called upon to sacrifice my wants and desires for someone else. The needs of others seldom occurs at a “convenient time” for, well, me (or for them, but that is not what I’m talking about right now—which may be the point. I’m not sure.).

That might look on the surface as if I am being selfless and sacrificial at any given moment, but I had a secret plan. You see, I spent many years with a theme running in the background of my mind. The persistent question behind everything was, “When do I get my turn?” The unspoken answer to the question was, “Wait for now. Do the right thing, and you can be selfish later.” Then I could fish all day without guilt, or sleep late and not cause someone else to have to cover for me, or do whatever I felt like doing with no consequences. But for now, do the right thing and wait for your turn to come.

When I became aware of the question, “When is it my turn?” it made me discontent. Here I was, serving other people, putting off my own wants, doing what I thought Jesus wanted me to do, but I kept waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Asking, “When is it going to be MY turn? How many times do I have to put others before myself?”

That is when the Holy Spirit whispered to me these sweet and comforting words: “Ken, it’s NEVER going to be ‘your turn.’ Then he said, You don’t just postpone selfishness, ya dummy. You DIE to yourself. Dead people don’t get ‘their turn.’”

I have often thought back to this harsh phrase that struck me so hard that day. For as discouraging as it may sound to some, it is actually freeing. When I give to others, it is not a loan. It is a gift. When I do for others, it must be done without expecting anything in return. When I serve the Lord, it is not even to gain an eternal reward of stars in my crown or a bigger mansion in the sky. It is enough to simply hear, “Well done. Enter my joy.”

More recently I have heard the illustration that if this is a movie and I am in it, the truth is I am only a bit part. Jesus is the hero of the movie. I am the storm trooper who gets shot as he walks around the corner, and I appear briefly on the floor as someone steps over me. If you stick around long enough after the move, you’ll see my name in the credits. That’s me: Storm Trooper number 17. 

So I read this teaching of Jesus with a deeper understanding. If I would follow him, He calls me to deny myself. Take up my cross. Follow. Lose my life for Christ’s sake and the gospel’s. Give up the whole world in exchange for my soul. Do not be ashamed of Jesus. 

And, by the way, when time on earth is over, it’s worth it all.