0128 BUT SOME DOUBTED

BUT SOME DOUBTED

Today, we have reached the last chapter of Matthew’s gospel. I have enjoyed the journey to this point, and look forward to what the Lord will teach me in the gospel according to Mark. But for today, let me personalize this one detail that Matthew provides. It simply says: “And when they saw him they worshiped him, but some doubted.” (v.17)

Maybe this is a life verse for many of us. When I see the risen Jesus, I worship him. But some of me doubts. Some doubted. Part of me still questions, and feels like it needs just one more miraculous sign. Let me talk about this personally, if I may.

I remember going to a conference in which some prophecies were delivered in the evening session. At the time, I thought of how I wanted to believe that these were actual Spirit-given prophetic words, but these people were strangers to me, and I had no way to know whether or not the messages given were ringing true. I thought, if this prophet were to say something to me that could not have been humanly revealed, only then could I trust this message.

The next morning, at another session, a man who was speaking mentioned those prophecies from the night before, and said how amazing and spot-on they were. Again, I had no way to measure such claims. But I don’t usually travel in such charismatic circles, so I don’t often consciously face such doubts.

A few months later, I was teaching a seminary course on current trends in worship, and I mentioned my experience and my doubt, but urged the class members to withhold any negative judgments, even if they are anti-charismatic in their convictions. Then I took the class to a revival service at a charismatic church in town. That very service, the pastor looks over the crowd of a few hundred people, and he points back about 2/3rds of the way, and says he wants “the worshiper” to stand. All the students and I are looking at one another and around, but the pastor continues to call out “the worshiper,” until he made it clear that he was pointing to (gulp!) me. He had me stand up while he spoke to me for about five (long) minutes. I don’t remember most of what he said, because I was so distracted. But I remember a phrase that he used a couple of times, saying that I had “the spirit of David” and was called to worship and train and something or other.

At last! I had my confirmation! God really DOES reveal secret truths about someone!

But some of me doubted still. What if someone had told him about me as we came into the room? What if he recognized me from leading a program at school? What if . . . ?

We know about Thomas and his doubts. And we know how Jesus resolved his doubts by inviting him to touch his wounds and believe. And we know that Thomas was at least one of those doubters, saying that he would not believe unless he could touch the wounds on Jesus’ hands and side. Once Thomas saw Jesus, however, he didn’t need to touch the wounds, and he fell down and worshiped, saying, “My lord and my God!”

Matthew, however, is particular about numbers. He says, “some” doubted. Not all. But more than one. What other doubts came up among the disciples, I wonder? 

My conclusion from my own experience and that of Thomas is that there is no end to the need to see evidence and see unequivocal proof in order to have “faith.” Of course, it’s not really “faith” if it requires sight in order to believe it.

I am glad that Matthew records this subtle detail about those eyewitnesses. All of them eventually risked their lives for Christ, proclaiming him in dangerous places. They were sure enough in their beliefs to give their lives for a cause. That sounds like people who did not doubt, doesn’t it?

Jesus told the disciples that he would give them his Holy Spirit, and that the Spirit would teach them all things. If I am hearing from that same Spirit in my life, it leads me to believe, even when some of me doubts. It’s what caused me to first choose to bet my life that it is true, even when I am unsure. I have seen enough of what God does. I have studied enough to have arguments against my questions and doubts. And I have simply chosen to take what Pascal worded as the wager. If I choose not to believe, and I am wrong, what is the risk? Eternal damnation? If I choose to believe, and I am wrong, what do I lose? Some comfort, some worldly sacrifices. But in eternity, I simply ceased to exist if there is no God. I’d take the odds of that wager any day. So, for me, when I am in my deepest doubts, I still choose to act as if I believed, until my doubts subside again. I wonder if it’s like that for everyone? I doubt it. Well, I doubt. That’s what I’m saying.

Here’s another illustration that I saw many years ago. What does this say?

GODISNOWHERE

Did you see the letters as saying “God is nowhere?” Or did you see “God is now here?” You saw the same thing, but came to different conclusions about it, depending on how you interpreted it.

May you overcome your doubts today, and live as if you had none. Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved. For we walk by faith, not by sight. Amen.